Seeking Relationship Counselling Shows You Care

How do you know whether you would benefit from relationship therapy? There’s no simple answer, but many couples sense that things have reached a stalemate. Perhaps you argue over the smallest things, and those moments quickly escalate into something far greater. Perhaps the relationship feels stale, and you’ve drifted into leading such separate lives that you barely connect. Or perhaps there is one big issue, such as money, sex, infidelity, or disagreements with in-laws or about children, and no matter what you say, your partner just can’t seem to understand your point of view.

How Counselling Can Help

In couples counselling, the counsellor acts as an impartial third party. They help to steady the tide of emotions and reflect back, objectively, what each of you is really trying to say, which so often gets lost in misunderstanding.

By exploring your difficulties together, and the way you relate as a couple, you will gain new insights and discover new ways of being together. It’s easy to judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their impact. When someone speaks, we filter their words through our own emotions, so we don’t hear what they mean, we hear what it means to us. Understanding how you hear what you hear is a key part of couples work, and it opens the door to listening differently.

Couples can spend years searching for the root of their conflict, often without success. Counselling gives you a structured, supportive space to move forward.

What to Expect

If you both decide counselling is the way forward, you will begin a series of short-term sessions. Between four and eight is typical, though this depends on the issues you are facing. For some couples, a few sessions are enough to move through a rough patch. For others, it marks the start of a longer process of discovery. Your counsellor will talk through your expectations with you from the outset.

Common Issues Couples Face

Every couple is different, but many of the challenges that bring people to counselling are shared, including:

• Affairs, betrayal, issues of trust and jealousy
• Financial issues
• Differing values and goals
• Differing parenting styles
• Wider family conflicts
• Life changes such as an empty nest, bereavement or illness
• Sexual issues and difficulties with emotional intimacy
• Work-related difficulties
• Gender role conflict
• Differences over religion or politics

Underlying many of these issues is the same difficulty: communication. Over time, we all fall into unhelpful habits that stop us hearing what the other person is really saying. Counselling can help you break those habits and reconnect.