Seeking relationship counselling shows that you care about your relationship
How do you know whether you would benefit from relationship therapy? There’s no simple answer, but often we get a sense that things are reaching stalemate. Perhaps you and your partner are arguing about the smallest of things which quickly escalate into something far greater.
Often a relationship can feel stale, and if the two of you were not so busy leading separate lives you feel you would die of boredom.
Sometimes it feels like there is one really big issue – such as money, or sex, maybe infidelity, perhaps disagreemants with or about in-laws or children – Whatever it is you simply cannot get your partner to understand your viewpoint.
Relationship counselling offers an opportunity for the counsellor as an impartial party to regulate the tide of emotions from each partner and present objectively what each person is really trying to convey, but which gets lost in misunderstanding.
Couples counselling has the potential to unlock areas where you are stuck.
By collaboratively exploring difficulties, and the way you relate as a couple, new insights will be gained. You will learn new ways of being together. It’s easy to judge ourselves by our intention, and others by their impact. When someone speaks, we process what they say through our own emotional filters. We don’t hear what they mean, we hear what it means to us. Peeling back and exploring these aspects of ourselves is a key part of couples work. When you have more understanding in how you hear what you hear, you will be open to change the way you listen.
When couples encounter problems in their relationship, they can sometimes spend years trying to figure out the root causes of the conflict, often without success.
If you decide couple counselling is the way forward for both of you, you will embark on a series of short-term counselling sessions – anything between four and eight sessions is normal, but it will depend on the issues you are experiencing.
For some couples, counselling is the start of a longer process of discovery while for others, a few sessions of counselling may be all they need to move through a rough patch. You will be able to discuss your expectations with your counsellor.
Most common problems couples face
- Issues of trust
- Financial issues
- Differing values and goals
- Differing parenting styles
- Wider family conflicts
- Life changes (empty nest, bereavement, illness, etc.)
- Sexual issues
- Emotional intimacy issues
- Work-related difficulties
- Gender role conflict
- Religion or politics
Mostly couples experience difficulties in communicating. Over time we tend fall into unhelpful habits that stop us hearing what the other person is saying.